We’re all aware that some sex could end in injuries… Let your imagination run wild for a minute and think of some of the worst. You might be thinking, okay cystitis and worst case scenario an STI… but we’re talking about mishaps that have led to a trip to A&E. Now that’s got you thinking!
We took a look at some of the most embarrassing sex related A&E stories ever – and sorry to say, but the funniest! If you don’t laugh you’ll cry. So let’s get to it and find out the most cringe-worthy stories reported – both by the victim and the poor doctors and nurses in charge!
That’s right. One horror story talks about the time a couple decided to spice up their cunnilingus… quite literally. With a few drops of spicy sauce they thought that they would feel ‘tingles’ – you know, like the tingle lubes? Oh no. They definitely felt the opposite! The heat from the sauce on his tongue sent his wife’s vagina into a frenzy – and not in a good way. She was in crucial pain and ended up in A&E with minor burns and a hugely inflamed labia! Maybe steer clear of the hot sauce from now on…
Snooker balls? Surely not!
An avid anal fan found himself rushing to the emergency room when he ventured into snooker. The fella thought he’d try something a little new, and by that we mean a 21 inch wide snooker ball! Things didn’t go too well when he soon realised that it went in a lot easier than it
A DIY vibrator?
When we’re desperate for a good play and for some reason our toys aren’t available – whether it’s because the battery’s run out or they’re somewhere different – we reach for the closest thing. Some household items can double up as sex toys. Hairbrush as a vibrator? Spatula as a paddle? Course! However one lady took her DIY to another level with an electric toothbrush. Ouch! You can imagine the damage caused and the nurses faces when she walked in! Note to self; do not use an electric toothbrush as a vibrator.
Fake pubes lost.
We’ve heard of pubes getting stuck in teeth and other pretty gruesome stories, but have you heard of a merkin getting stuck ‘up there’? No, we didn’t think so! There’s not much surprise there however, as it is a very uncommon incident. It was when a couple got down to it whilst the wife wore a merkin, without getting into too much explicit detail, the merkin was inserted (accidentally somehow) and proceeded to get stuck! After a trip to the A&E and expert removal, the merkin was taken out. They left with nothing but red faces!
An orgasm too good?
Hospital staff could do nothing but laugh when they treated a woman who had had an almighty orgasm – which wouldn’t end! 4 hours of mental and physical hardship, although a lot of us may imagine a 4 hour orgasm as an exceptional experience – it really isn’t! Tiring, embarrassing and almost painful, this poor woman endured much more than a fun 30 second hit!
Penis used incorrectly!
Now we’ve heard of a few things, but getting your penis stuck in a weight? Yeah that’s right. A man from Germany went to the emergency doctors with a rather unusual request… if he could remove a 4lb weight from his genitals! The doctor must have been rather shocked and if anything a little amused at the request. Unfortunately, a weight isn’t really designed for being used as a cock ring Sir, we’ve got more you could try which definitely won’t end up in a trip to hospital for its removal!
A stinger and a half – lemons and a japseye!
Now who would do this and why! (Apologies if you are the gentleman who did this and are now reading us poking fun at your actions). But seriously, we know without a fleslight things can get desperate. However using a lemon as a makeshift sex toy… that’s definitely going to end in tears! Lemon in your eyes is bad enough but in your… japseye! Ouch. A trip to A&E with a serious-faced doctor is what this gentleman needed, and most likely a very strong drink afterwards!
Never washed toys..
This story’s more on the serious side, as we can’t stress the importance of washing your toys enough. A never-washed toy was used by a woman and safe to say that she soon realised what the hype was about. With a urinary tract infection, the sight wasn’t a pretty one! It’s a perfect time to hammer home how you need to clean your toys after each and every use – otherwise it won’t just be this lady who’s off to hospital with some issues!
Fanny flutters or cramps?
We all know how annoying cramp is, and how funny fanny flutters feel! Yet imagine halfway through intercourse getting a vaginal cramp. Now that’s an unpleasant experience, and it’s one which a couple endured which ended up with a trip to hospital to be ‘removed’. So when a woman in black underwear straddling a completely nude man got wheeled into the hospital reception… you can imagine the visitors’ faces! With the use of muscle relaxants and some other medicines the couple were freed; granted, feeling very embarrassed as they left the way they came in!
Braces and oral? No thanks…
A doctor had to remove himself from the patient’s room when he spoke to a teenager who had come in with slight cuts and sores on his penis. With no clue what had happened and a few tall tales spun by the teen, the truth eventually came out that a significant other had performed oral sex. The S.O was wearing mouth braces at the time.. Explaining the cuts and grazes! Ouch! All we can say is… be careful and don’t use your braces or teeth!
We LOVE hearing all of your funny sex stories, incidents and mishaps. We’re always in the mood to have a good giggle or sympathise with you. Send us your mishaps over to email@example.com and share them!