The Ultimate Couples Guide To Spanking

by Alicia | 4 August 2021

Spanking, the in’s, out’s, do’s and don’ts.

Spanking is one of those kinks which from the outside, people are a little intimidated by. There’s a lot of people out there who love the idea of a spank, what with erotic BDSM coming to light thanks to society – just take a look at Fifty Shades Of Grey! 

With more and more people delving into the wide world of kinks and fetishes, it’s no surprise that they’re needing a reference to help them. With a negative stereotype of excessive pain and torture, it’s something that first-timers are probably going to try and avoid!

Fear not, it’s 2021 and there are so many helpful resources out there, just have a look through this one and you’ll be on your way to an orgasmic spank… and no punishment is necessary – unless that’s your kink, and then it is absolutely necessary.

Womans legs spank

The Steps To A Good Spank

  • Discuss 

As much as you’re probably saying “duh!”, it is really crucial that you remember to discuss with your significant other what you’re ready to engage in. Have a two-way conversation about what it is you’re both comfortable with, what you’re both wanting to get out of it and what you want to try. This helps to create not only a clear understanding but also a safe environment for you both. 

Let each other decide who’s doing the spanking – it could be both – and how much of a dominative / submissive atmosphere you’re after. After you’ve spoken about who, explore where you’d like the spanking to commence and with what! Keep reading to find out our most rated…

  • Safe Words

Safe words are a quick, simple guidance to stop the activities. With safe words, it’s definitely best to go for some more obscure but rememberable words – such as ‘apple’ or ‘knickerbocker’, as if you just go for ‘stop’ ‘please’ and other such begging words, they might not always realise that they are safe words – it might just be added fun! The dominant should stop instantly when the words are said – that is their purpose after all! So decide on a safe word together, and remember it. Have a look through some of the most uncommon safe words for some ideas! 

  • Start Slow

It’s definitely important to know that starting slow is the best way to go. Not only does it ensure that you’re both in the mood and comfortable, but it also allows for that sexual tension to grow! Start with some soft grabbing and rubbing, and light spanking with the fingertips – this allows for the least amount of surface area to be touched meaning that the blood flow will be in short, small bursts – great for getting started.

We would suggest that you go for the fleshiest part of the bum cheeks to start with, it ensures that the spankee is enjoying themself! For other mood setters, take a look through our other ideas.

  • Build It Up & Let It Begin

Once you know that you’re both enjoying it, you can start to turn the heat up. From full hand spanking on different areas, grabbing and rubbing – give them your full force! Remember though, you need to keep spicing and swapping it up to keep the tension and enjoyment running. A spank every minute can get a little same old same old! 

Put some music on, and you can spank (and fuck) to the beat, or just use it to get the mood even more steamy. Flip your significant other over and focus on the other body parts, or use different spanking tools. Go hard – but always ensure that you’re both feeling safe and comfortable!

two wooden models hugging for spank blog

Where To Spank?

As a rule of thumb, go for the fleshy areas of the body. So this would include thighs, bum cheeks (inner, outer, lower and upper), breasts and anywhere which is “grabbable”. Do not go for ‘bony’ parts, ie the back, neck, knees, kidney, ribs etc as these could cause bone damage and hurt – but not in the sexy way. Let’s make sure that we are keeping safe as well as having fun, a turnoff is the least of your worries.

Sometimes, with permission, it can be quite fun to gently – and we mean gently – tap the vagina itself. With a little bit of foreplay, giving the vulva and clitoris some S.L.C (spanking loving care) can send the nerve endings wild and make them beg for more. It’s a great way to give attention to the front of the spankee as well as the rear.


What To Use?

With spanking tools, it’s definitely an ‘anything you can grab’ sort of thing. When you start off slowly and begin, start with the hand and work your way up to other more precarious tools. A kitchen spatula, wooden spoon – maybe even a paddle hairbrush! You soon find that any object can become your spank weapon – just make sure that again you are both comfortable with using it before you begin.

When you start to get the spanking bug, you can begin to build up your gear;

Paddles; These are the best for ‘beginners’ but are by all means a necessary piece for the professional. Usually with a small handle and flat wide ‘surface’, they’re perfect for a good old slap! Usable with any force – as gently as you’d like up to a thwack and a bruise.

Whips; The whip again is great for first-timers but another great piece for any BDSM collection. With a long handle – great for those ‘hard to reach areas’ – ie whilst your partner is on top! With a smaller surface to provide ‘stings’ when used hard or light smacking.

Crops; Similar to a whip but with a smaller handle – great for surface impact and for specific areas. We tend to like the crop on the back of the thighs, as it’s a little different to the normal bum cheeks and still can send all of those nerves tingling and blood rushing to the erogenous zones in the genitals!

Flogs; We’d definitely say that the flog is more for the more experienced and something which you should maybe work your way up to! With lots of ‘threads’ as it were.


Take a look through our wide selection of spanking toys, from spanking whips and leather crops to metal flogs for the more extreme! Have a happy spank!