What actually is a kink? And what are fetishes?
Kinks and fetishes are becoming much more mainstream, what with the help of pop-culture and the film industry – (I mean come on, who HASN’T watched Fifty Shades of Grey?). There is still a taboo surrounding the topic. But… why? Wanting to explore your sexual fantasies, sexual attractions and sexual interests surely aren’t bad things?
That’s where we’re stepping in, to knock down that internal fear you may have, and introducing you to your new best friend – your kinks. First things first – what actually is a fetish? What is a kink? What’s the difference?
The difference between fetishes and a kink:
Well, as defined by Marriam-Webster, a sex fetish is “an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression”. Whereas a kink defines as “the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies” in Wikipedia.
So to simplify it, a fetish is where climax (or even arousal) cannot be reached without that fixation being there. A kink however is where sexual pleasure is simply enhanced and made greater. A fetish is a very strong kink…
Think of it as this; all fetishes are sexual kinks, however not all kinks are sexual fetishes:
There really are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ kinks or fetishes, it really is down to personal preference. There will always be conflict on what is ‘kinky’ and what is ‘vanilla’ but that’s the same with everything! Whatever tickles your pickle… that is so long as it is always safe and consensual and there is clear communication with all parties. Otherwise it can quickly escalate from some fun exploration to dangerous & unsafe practices. We don’t want the fun to stop!
So, let’s take a look. We have found the most and least common fetishes and kinks amongst us all. Have a read below and see which ones surprise you, which apply to you, and which you are going to try involve in your sex life! Don’t knock it ’til you try it!
The 8 Most Common Kinks
Role play has been a very popular sex kink for a long time. With participants adapting into characters outside of their usual person, it can be for arousal, gratification or simply just a bit of fun. Many enjoy taking on the roles of famous characters from films, books and tv – or even celebrities such as The Royal Family!
Age play is also a huge aspect of role play. Each person takes on and acts a different age to themselves – older or younger. Others prefer more ‘every-day’ roles, some popular examples being nurse & doctor, school girl & teacher, young boy & step-mum. Dress up is often involved, however it isn’t necessary and could be left to the imagination and dirty talk, or some go all the way with scripts! Some people take it to another extreme and actually use role-play 24/7 in their every day lives. That being said, it is more common for role-play to happen in sex only.
Playing make believe mixed with sex = a recipe for a very good night!
In fact, it might come as a shock however foot fetishes are one of the most popular kinks out there! Studies found that 1 in 7 people have one!
It’s usually heterosexual men who enjoy this kink, however many others do class themselves as foot fetishists. As with all different kinks and fetishes, there are scales which all depend on the person’s/foot fetishist’s preferences and desires.
This play involves and has many different aspects – finding feet attractive, enjoying giving pedicures or it might be stronger. Many people enjoy ‘worshipping’ the feet and treating them as though they are holy items, kissing and caressing them and providing foot massages! Others love the ‘humiliation’ aspect which feet can bring. Being stomped on with bare feet, having dirty, smelly feet rubbed against their faces!
Anal might not spring to mind as a ‘fetish’, however interestingly a high number of people say that they prefer anal to anything else. A study carried out by Allure found that 37% of women and 43% of men said that they had engaged in anal sex!
It is a thought which does make many sexually aroused. If you engage in anal sex, it doesn’t automatically mean you have an anal fetish, however lots of people do have one. Anal sex can vary in styles, it may be a penis or sex toys, or even a finger!
Many males and females can find their ‘secret G-Spot’ up there and really let loose. As there is actually is a pleasure spot in the anus, believe it or not! Some people often clean ‘up there’ before they get going – as it can get messy.
Dominative and Submissive Roles
This is a power exchange between parties. (All consensual). It can vary and switch, however there is always a difference in the power that the roles have. A dominant enjoys controlling the other, and the submissive will enjoy having all power stripped from them!
The roles can vary around the extremities from a light spanking and whipping, to derogatory name calling and humiliation, physical pain – choking to sensation play and impact play on different body parts. This may include ‘Edging’ (bringing the other to the verge, but not allowing a climax), Heat Play (involving ice cubes or hot items to tease and set the body nerves alight).
Of course as with any form of sexual activity, consent and communication are crucial. Safe words are a great way to ensure that all parties are happy and safe at all times and are commonly used!
Group sex is where multiple people are involved in sexual activity together (it isn’t always penetrative yet often is) with 3 or more people. There is no limitation on numbers; as it could range from a threesome (3 people), to gangbangs and orgys. The difference with these, is that orgys are usually lots of people with all genders present. Whereas, a gangbang is 1 person of a gender and 2 or more other people of a different gender performing sexual acts on each other.
Group sex is a chance to really explore your sexuality – if we say so ourselves. As with everything, it is crucial to ensure that everybody is happy and willing to get down and dirty!
Fisting is a very sensitive act, whereby the whole fist or hand (sometimes up to the forearm!) is inserted into a sexual area of the body, ie vagina or anus. All that we will say is make sure that your hands and arms are clean and use a goooood amount of lube!
You may not even know it but lingerie is one of the most common kinks that there is. Okay okay we know that most people find lingerie attractive and arousing, it is something that derives sexual pleasure, but some people take it to the next level and actually need lingerie to get off. Others even need to be in contact with lingerie on their skin to climax, such as smelling knickers whilst masturbating.
It comes as no real surprise though, as lingerie is pretty damn sexy. Whether it be stockings and suspenders, a babydoll, or maybe even just a matching set!
Whether it’s due to an increase in porn, or a peak in curiosity, filming sex has hit the roof. For some people, it’s now a necessity to actually be able to get off on. The reasons why are again just down to personal preferences, similarly with what is done with the film itself afterwards!
Some people will enjoy sharing it to porn sites or with others. Some prefer to keep it for personal use, and others delete it almost immediately. Again it just depends on what gets you going.
There needs to be a high level of trust between all members as filming sex is a sensitive activity. Also, watching the film back may be uncomfortable and cause some form of body consciousness or dysphoria. If there are worries about this, then have a chat with your partner about it and see if there is any way to avoid this!
Whatever your taste is, these kinks are all fun and great to try. It is really important to remember though to ensure that everybody is feeling comfortable and safe.
Consent, Communication, Cooperation.
So… it’s time to get your kink on!