Talking Dirty… The Stigma
Dirty talk is the marmite of sex and there’s no real explanation as to why. Some people love it, others hate it…
Unfortunately talking-dirty during sex has a certain cringey stigma surrounding it, mainly thanks to cheesy high-pitch porn videos. You know the ones we mean… a lot of people think that it almost feels cheap, dirty and unsexy. However, this is far from the truth.
There is nothing wrong with sex talk, in fact there is everything right with it. That being said, a Men’s Health study found that 1 in 5 people have ended sex because the dirty talk turned them off, so it’s important to get it right.
What’s So Good About It?
Many people use dirty talk in their sex and relationship. It’s a great way to add to the sexual tension, create a hot build up with foreplay and steam up the big event. It’s a great way to get to know what both you and your partner enjoy, so that you can do it again and again and spice up the sex life!
Introducing dirty talk can be pretty daunting at first, especially if you’re shy and not the most sexually self-confident. But fear not. We have put together this guide to help turn you and turn your partner into dirty talk addicts in the steamy world.
Don’t be afraid, we’ve got your back!
It will provide you with everything you need to know, from ways to suggest talking dirty to giving you the confidence to talk the house down!
How To Suggest Dirty Talk
If good sex is already part of your relationship, then adding dirty talk to the fun shouldn’t be a big deal! It should be a great way to add a bit of ‘umph’ to your sex life.
Think of it as a 10 minute experiment (longer if you’re lucky), whereby you’ll either find your new favourite activity… or both decide it’s not for you and leave it there. What’s to lose?
Now, the hard part. How do you actually suggest talking dirty to your partner? Well, however you want really, whatever feels most natural to you. But here are a few ways which we think could help to talk to your partner;
- Just after a session of sex, where during Pillow Talk you tell them that you think you should try dirty talk.
- Suggest that you’ve read our blog recently and think it will be good to give it a go.
- Drop them a text during the day if you think initially mentioning it could be difficult for you.
- Go for it during sex and see how they felt about it afterwards!
Talking about it is definitely down to personal preference, however it could be good to suggest and see how they feel about it too. It might even spark some inspiration for them to do some research themselves!
Confidence Is Key
It’s not unusual to be apprehensive of dirty talking. It’s the world of the unknown, where all sorts of doubts can cross your mind; “Do I sound like an idiot?”, “Are they even enjoying what I’m saying?”, “Am I ruining the mood?”… it can be pretty terrifying looking at it from the outset, especially if you lack sexual self-confidence.
What To Think
Relax. Dirty talk really doesn’t have to and shouldn’t be over-thought. The more natural it is, the more natural it comes across – and this all comes with practice.
It might not be perfect at first, but what is? What have you got to lose? We’ve already established that it’s a short-term experiment for long-term gain!
Control. All dirty talk is controllable, you can go all the way or not at all. Remember that.
A key element to making dirty talk work between you and your partner, is ensuring that there is no judgement. What works for you might not work for your partner and vice versa. Judging can ruin the mood and fantasies at play – It’s definitely a big no no! (However it’s crucial to make sure that you’re both feeling safe and happy).
How To Act
Get comfortable. You need to make sure that you’re feeling safe, comfortable and good. One way to get your libido up and get yourself in the mood is by setting the scene…
You could slip into something sexy, light some candles or put some music on… it’s really up to you. Or perhaps you’d rather keep it casual and just slip the dirty talk into some normal sex without making it into a ‘thing’. Both work just as well, it’s just personal preference.
We would recommend starting slow and building up. This could be by warming up through some text messages, hints through phone sex or simply getting started with some heavy breathing/compliments or even some light – heavy moaning. Once the mood has been set and you’re feeling it, get into the verbal side and start to put the research into practice
It doesn’t always have to be dirty. It could be light-hearted and more loving – as with compliments. Just do what makes you feel good and gets you going!
Let’s Get It On
As well as what you’re actually saying, it can often be fun and sexy to change up the tone of your voice and ‘sex-it-up’. For instance, whispering can be a great technique to make pretty much anything sound sexy. It forces your partner to listen harder and concentrate on the words – a great way to tease them. Or make their hairs stand up and whisper softly onto their neck or into their ear for a tantalising surge of excitement!
Some find it difficult to make their voice sound sexy. In fact, a study conducted by Albright College found that women can ‘sex-up’ their voice easier than men who simply ‘can’t’ – and even seemed to be less attractive when they tried to. This is why it’s important to not always focus on one aspect of dirty talk, as it just might not work for you.
Similarly, it’s not always what you sound like but in fact what you are actually saying that can make the difference. It can vary from one-word wonders to elaborate fantasies.
If you’re just starting out in the world of dirty talk, we would suggest keeping it simple to begin with and working up the pole from there. Remember, being simple definitely doesn’t mean being boring.
What Types Of Things Are There To Say?
Some people find thinking of what to actually say hard, and end up getting tongue tied. There are lots of alternate ways to get your dirty talk groove on. Have a look through some of our examples below to get some inspiration, have some practice and then take them to the bedroom:
- Give Updates – tell them how turned on you are and how much you’re excited to come throughout. It will excite them to the point they won’t want to stop. They’ll love knowing how much they’re pleasing you!
- Instruct Them – Many people find it hot being told what to do. By this we mean giving them sexy instructions of what sex positions to go into, different things to do to body parts and what to do to them – the options are endless. Think of what makes you feel good, boss them around by telling you to do this!
- Inform Them – Tell them of all the things that you’re going to do to them, how they’re going to feel and how there’s nothing they can do about it. This will give them a real kick and make them fall weak with lust.
- Compliments – As we’ve said not all dirty talk has to be dirty and there is nothing sexier than getting told how good you look whilst being sexy. Make your partner feel this good, tell them all of the qualities that excite you and send them into a confidence frenzy – it will boost their esteem and consequently make them want to please you in return.
- One-Word-Wonders – They are effective! Less is more, especially when it comes to dirty talk. Not all dirty talk has to be an elaborate fantasy novel – it could just be some simple effective words such as ‘Fuck’, or ‘Yes’!
There are no rules or exceptions when it comes to the right things to say during sex. These are just a few sex tips – anything that works for you and your partner is great – there are no limits. Just remember to communicate to make sure that there is consent and everyone is feeling comfortable.
This is a really simple but effective way of making sure that you both had a great time. It’s simply just talking after sex in a detailed and constructive way, to let each other know what went well and what wasn’t so great.
It’s a good way to find out what phrases worked and got you and your partner into the mood. Do remember, dirty talk isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. This could be the case with you, your partner or both of you.
Compromise is always beneficial to help you both enjoy the things you want without crossing any lines.
Alternatively there are other ways to spice up your sexual activity if dirty talk isn’t for you. From vibrators, cock rings and other sex toys, or new kinks such as role play and spanking, to even music. The list is endless and bursting with fun!
So don’t worry if dirty talk didn’t get you going, there’s lots more to explore… So what’s stopping you?